Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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