ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
