oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Pooping to opera.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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