I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
