He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
