I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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