I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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