I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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