Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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