i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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