i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
