Christians are straight up FREAKS
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
