Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
