turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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