things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
