I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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