I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
