I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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