you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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