Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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