She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
