You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
