oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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