i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
