I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
