I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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