dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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