my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
