i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
