the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I just put wine in my tea
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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