OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
