Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the day after is always just damage control
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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