Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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