What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
