So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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