1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
