when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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