Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
