The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
