i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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