hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
