I'm an idiot
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We are all done wearing pants today