every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.