Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
NoShamevember. You game?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
