Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.