the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
