The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
