if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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