my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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