And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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