# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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