I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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