Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
