omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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