Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
