Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
