I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
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4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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