Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
