So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The air taste purple.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
