Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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