We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
