There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
