oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you win again, gameday.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
