I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
