oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
