Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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