Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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