That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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