Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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