when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
