Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.