I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️