Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.

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(267): Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome. http://tfl.nu/u178

Replies (1) Good night (822) Bad night (757)
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(408): View more from California

I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.

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(408): I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller. http://tfl.nu/ndfu

Replies (13) Good night (774) Bad night (3794)
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(805): View more from California

"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me

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(805): "what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me http://tfl.nu/evlb

Replies (7) Good night (671) Bad night (2101)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober

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(608): I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober http://tfl.nu/eoub

Replies (27) Good night (4642) Bad night (768)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression

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(215): I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression http://tfl.nu/rcf4

Replies (5) Good night (705) Bad night (3994)
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(619): View more from California

He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.

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(619): He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy. http://tfl.nu/8ucs

Replies (14) Good night (1241) Bad night (5303)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Say it nicely.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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(303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned

Replies (51) Good night (16751) Bad night (1586)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.

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(630): Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze. http://tfl.nu/d5vp

Replies (113) Good night (1686) Bad night (25309)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.

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(480): I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly. http://tfl.nu/a7gl

Replies (10) Good night (3676) Bad night (1522)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys

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(860): We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys http://tfl.nu/i7wv

Replies (2) Good night (2444) Bad night (1405)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge

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(774): I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge http://tfl.nu/5u98

Replies (6) Good night (1273) Bad night (599)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.

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(403): My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices. http://tfl.nu/r9jz

Replies (4) Good night (1366) Bad night (493)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?

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(832): So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid? http://tfl.nu/r78n

Replies (3) Good night (544) Bad night (714)
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(+91): View more from India

I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !

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(+91): I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' ! http://tfl.nu/au1d

Replies (4) Good night (862) Bad night (488)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.

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(908): I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work. http://tfl.nu/8nqq

Replies (3) Good night (708) Bad night (314)

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