She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??