I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night