I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm just so full of love and alcohol