You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.