Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
