Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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