I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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