I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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