So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
