I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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