Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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