I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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