tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
