He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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