So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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