Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
