She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
