I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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